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What To Say To Get What You Want In Common Situations

We all go through difficult situations where we just can’t seem to find the right words...

Standing up for yourself..

Communicating bad news..

Dealing with problem people..

Ending toxic relationships..

Negotiating your wants and needs..

Sound familiar?

I’m here to share with you some super strategies and tactics to help you achieve what you want in some of life's common situations!

Many of my clients come to me for Reiki and/or Life Coaching and one of the phrases I hear all the time is “I’m just sick of dealing with difficult customers” - usually followed by “but the customer is always right”. Here’s the first thing to remember - the customer is not always right, but they are always the customer. The way you manage their frustrations and deliver your message will determine their reaction and the overall outcome of the situation.

The second thing to remember is, you may not be the one at fault for the issue, but you do have the power to turn the situation around and create a moment of magic for the customer.

Firstly - Listen to the customer and let them vent. Don’t interrupt. Allow them to have their say and get it off their chest without adding to the dialogue. When they have finished, acknowledge their frustration. Customers want to be heard and understood and if you allow this scenario to happen, you are getting them on side.

Secondly - Apologise. Yes, apologise even if it is not your fault.

Thirdly - Assure them you are going to resolve this issue.

The situation may sound something like this:

”(Name), I completely understand where you are coming from. If I was in your place I would feel angry/frustrated/disappointed also. I really apologise that this has been your experience so far and although I cannot change what has already happened, I can assure you that I will assist you in having this situation completely resolved”.

One thing to keep in mind - you need to be genuine. Customers know when you’re being fake so be sure to use words that are true to who you are. And smile! Even if you're speaking with a customer on the phone - they know when you're smiling!

One of the most difficult things to do in life is to end a personal relationship. In my dealings with clients I am exposed to hearing about all sorts of toxic relationships, including friendships. The key to remember here is that a solid relationship should not be damaging to you in any way.

This sort of conversation all comes down to delivery. You need to be blunt to be kind and you can’t go into it half heartedly. You also need to be prepared to absorb some retaliatory shots in order to get the outcome you desire and be sure to go somewhere where the other person will feel free to get emotional.

The situation may sound something like this:

”This is really difficult to say but it’s very important and needs to be said. I’ve reached the decision that I don’t want to have any more contact with you. I value our past relationship, I feel that it has taught us both so much however I no longer have the time or desire to maintain what I perceive to be a draining and high maintenance relationship. You still have my best wishes but moving forward I don’t want to have further contact with you”

If the person becomes angry - “I understand your anger. Relationships involve two people and I no longer have the time or energy to put into this relationship. Moving forward, I no longer want to have contact with you”.

If the person promises you they’ll change or the problem can be fixed - “It’s not you, it’s me. I don’t have the time or energy for this kind of relationship. Relationships shouldn’t be this difficult. You shouldn’t have to change if this relationship was working”.

You many need to continue reiterating your point - I no longer wish to have contact with you; you don’t not need to tolerate aggression - if the situation becomes hostile, feel free to walk away.

Wanting to return your meal at a restaurant because it's not up to standard.

We’ve all experienced this one and how many times have you just sat there saying “It’s ok, I don’t want to cause a fuss”. You are not causing a fuss - in fact, these are business that succeed by pleasing customers. If you’re not happy with your experience, you won’t be going back and I’m sure you’ll be telling everyone you know what your experience was like.

Start by calling the waiter over and quietly give a specific reason for returning it. Something like “I’m afraid I find this dish over cooked for my liking. I did order the steak medium, however this is extremely well done. I’d appreciate if you could take this back and bring me a steak cooked medium, or I can select something else”.

This should generally resolve the situation, however if your request is rejected, feel free to increase your volume slightly... “I’m sorry too because it is my policy to not pay for dishes that I cannot eat , not to ever return to restaurants that treat their customers rudely and to warn everyone I know about restaurants that provide poor service”.

I have to say, this has happened to me once, which is why I included it here for you. I was actually given a plate of non-gluten free pasta (which I knew was the case, because it was identical to the ordinary pasta dish that a friend ordered.) When I queried the waiter to make sure the dish was gluten free, he said he was unsure and would find out. We waited more than 10 minutes and he never returned. We then asked a different waiter to have a Manager come to the table - he never returned and neither did a Manager! It got to the point where I had to go to the front counter (where people were paying their bills) to actually speak to someone. Eventually, almost 30 minutes later - it was confirmed that the dish was not gluten free and they would make me a fresh dish. I declined as everyone at the table had already finished their meals. When we went to finalise the account - the pasta dish (that was wrong and would have made me seriously sick for the next few days) was on the bill! The lady at the counter was aware of the situation and instead of removing the dish from the bill, proceeded to give me a $26 voucher for next time! How she even thought there would be a next time is beyond my comprehension. But you can see here how the entire process could have been easily avoided (and I'm sure most establishments would not have handled the situation anywhere near this).

These are just a few situations and scenarios to help you achieve the outcome you want - and most of them can be adapted to suit the situation you are in.

Remember, your delivery is everything. Listen with active ears, without interrupting others. Speak your truth and know your objective!

Love & Light

xx Sandra Stoitis xx